Later on I had more such moments when I cried without a reason very often over a plate of good food. I always wondered why the hell eating out makes me cry so often? I cried both on the occasions when I was alone and paid by myself and when I was invited and payed for. Surprisingly it only considered eating out at restaurants and not when staying at friends. The good thing is that I have noticed some progress in dealing with these emotions. I started to treat eating out as a reward for being hard working, brave and patient. Another thing are the conditions on which I allow myself to be rewarded in this way. It is almost end of June and I sit in my workshop looking outside the window as I usually help myself out if I cannot afford to leave. Windows are the exits to other worlds my soul cannot do without. I know I will not make it physically to go and say hello to Hańcza in June. I do not quite know if I will make it at all this year. It is strange to discover the same emotional tension in myself like the one years ago. I am not there physically, but I can see the lake through the eyes of my soul. I feel just the same. Always the same.
I remember it just as if it was yesterday. It was the beginning of June and I took a one-day trip to lake Hańcza. It was Sunday afternoon, high time to return back to sad reality, to the Old World. In Poland they say superstitiously one should sit down before leaving any place to avoid bad luck, so I sat down on a bench by the lake possibly rather to enjoy the last view than out of superstition. I was alone. Just me facing the blue space. And suddenly I burst into tears without no reason. This trip suddenly opened my mind like a Pandora's box. A box, in which I was put unconsciously and later talked into believing that it is the only good and safe place in the world, all the rest is evil. I was made mentally and physically imprisoned all my life like a laboratory rabbit. Finally the rabbit got out, but what can a laboratory rabbit know about life? How can it survive? If it had survived until now does it mean it was lucky or maybe nature blessed it with survival instinct that is stronger than all the means civilization?! took to detach it from nature? Finally, what does it mean to survive? Does it mean physical survival? How about mental life? Does the fact of the very idea of escaping not prove that the rabbit, this animal which supposedly does not have feelings, actually has some inner life? That it has gained consciousness, learned to analyze facts, draw conclusions, finally experience the desire for being free like the moving objects around the box? I read once a very clever statement by Wendell Roth, an American abolitionist, that the manna of popular freedom must be gathered every day or it is rotten. There is a lot of truth in this statement.
Later on I had more such moments when I cried without a reason very often over a plate of good food. I always wondered why the hell eating out makes me cry so often? I cried both on the occasions when I was alone and paid by myself and when I was invited and payed for. Surprisingly it only considered eating out at restaurants and not when staying at friends. The good thing is that I have noticed some progress in dealing with these emotions. I started to treat eating out as a reward for being hard working, brave and patient. Another thing are the conditions on which I allow myself to be rewarded in this way. It is almost end of June and I sit in my workshop looking outside the window as I usually help myself out if I cannot afford to leave. Windows are the exits to other worlds my soul cannot do without. I know I will not make it physically to go and say hello to Hańcza in June. I do not quite know if I will make it at all this year. It is strange to discover the same emotional tension in myself like the one years ago. I am not there physically, but I can see the lake through the eyes of my soul. I feel just the same. Always the same.
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Hej! Mam na imię Victoria. Wycieczki Osobiste to mój dziennik podróży, spełnionych marzeń i ulotnego piękna. Podróżować można nawet w kropli wody. Dzisiaj jest tylko dzisiaj, więc nie trać czasu: "podróżyj" tak, jakby jutra miało nie być!
O mnie
Z wykształcenia tłumacz i montażysta filmowy. Z zawodu kameleon, a w praktyce przede wszystkim włóczykij z dziennikarskimi ciągotami. Niespokojny duch. Trudny charakter. Towarzyski samotnik. Poliglota, gaduła i gawędziarz. Niestrudzony ogrodnik. Z zamiłowania piszę, fotografuję i maluję. Uwielbiam podróże, aktywność na świeżym powietrzu i kontakt z naturą. Szukam szczęśliwych wysp. Wierzę, że jest przede mną jeszcze wiele do odkrycia! Oto moja bajka o życiu! WĄTKI
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ARCHIWUM
July 2023
Victoria TucholkaYou can change the skies but you cannot change your soul |