People often ask me about the sense of what I am doing and I always tell them: if not that, then what? Should I stay at home and stare in the ceiling waiting for the salvation army? Would anybody come and save me? Would you come and save me then? Would anything happen if I stay in my comfort zone? Will it change anything in my life for the better? If I was positive, would we have ever met? Should we meet? Or would you rather turn back time? What do you think? Sunday morning. Most people are still asleep. And so is maybe the tramp standing at the corner by a roadside chapel. An elderly man with sparse gray hair on his bald head leaning heavy on the arms crossed on the bicycle handlebar. The bicycle is heavy with a great number of colorful plastic bags which remind me of balloons from which the air flew. There is also a cart filled with a comparable amount of colorful bags attached to the back. The man wears a heavy emerald green winter coat, which seems seems to stand at odds with the heat just sweeping across the country. I wonder is he asleep or maybe praying. For me he will always remain frozen on the way to God only knows where. He could as well be a balloonist grieving over his balloons. I regret I have not stopped and given him the only one apple I took with me. Maybe it would change his day, his life forever? if he realized that he is not as invisible to the world around as he thought. If I could ask him one question, I wonder what would be his answer to the question: what is the most important thing in life? The question I cannot find an answer to myself. I began to question the happy end, I rarely achieve my goal, and became more and more distracted by the things around me which eventually turn out to be the only real benefit of passing all the way to achieve the goal I have set myself at the beginning. I would end with empty hands and pockets if I resisted stopping by the things that apparently only distracted me from the goal. The poppies above, the meadow below, the yellow carpets, the predator in the skies, the doors of a ruined mansion visible from the road in the clearance of the forest. These are just impressions out of context, but there are bigger things in the course of life which distract us from our goals. We try to escape new situations, ignore them, undermine their importance, while nothing happens to us by coincidence. They might be the chance of starting something new, of learning something new, of enriching oneself with new experience, wisdom, emotions. If we run away, we loose this chance. It is so strange to realize it now when looking at the photo of the poppies so beautifully highlighted by the sunrise, though they mean nothing in comparison with human relations which we find much easier to ignore than the poppies. So many people pass by my eyes now, people who resigned from their goals to face the responsibilities that arouse by coincidence. Some people would pity them that they gave up their talents, but what if in a matter of years they will rise to their talents even greater and better than they were before. What if in the end they will be the winners who achieved more than they have ever dreamt of? More than they have ever imagined? Will I be among them? I guess I am more of the type who as they say rather escape their ultimate destiny. Death. They escaped it once by total coincidence as if they were the chosen ones. Though they cannot get over it, often not understanding why they, they would give everything to be in the shoes of the lost ones. They are those who put their lives at stake almost as if asking for death but ironically always being left behind with yet more scars. It is not that I like it. I just cannot help it. It is almost as if I shared a body with another spirit which carries me away with the wind not giving a shit about my screams and cries. I scream. I cry. I am angry. I wanna stay. I wanna come back and be left alone. Go away, take all I have and let me just be happy here and now. I do my best. I even give myself a day off to say good bye to my past life and get ready for the new beginning. So why? Why are you still here with me? Why do you mess with my new life? Why do you force me to leave? To come back? Why do I have to escape again? Again and again. God bless me. God help me.
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Hej! Mam na imię Victoria. Wycieczki Osobiste to mój dziennik podróży, spełnionych marzeń i ulotnego piękna. Podróżować można nawet w kropli wody. Dzisiaj jest tylko dzisiaj, więc nie trać czasu: "podróżyj" tak, jakby jutra miało nie być!
O mnie
Z wykształcenia tłumacz i montażysta filmowy. Z zawodu kameleon, a w praktyce przede wszystkim włóczykij z dziennikarskimi ciągotami. Niespokojny duch. Trudny charakter. Towarzyski samotnik. Poliglota, gaduła i gawędziarz. Niestrudzony ogrodnik. Z zamiłowania piszę, fotografuję i maluję. Uwielbiam podróże, aktywność na świeżym powietrzu i kontakt z naturą. Szukam szczęśliwych wysp. Wierzę, że jest przede mną jeszcze wiele do odkrycia! Oto moja bajka o życiu! WĄTKI
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ARCHIWUM
July 2023
Victoria TucholkaYou can change the skies but you cannot change your soul |
VICTORIA TUCHOLKA |
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